Advice columns crack me up! And I’m addicted to them! Three thoughts:
1) I hate the term “happily married.” It comes off as smarmy,
cutesy or fake, and I hate that we have to differentiate between married
(trapped to someone I hate) or “happily married.” On the other hand, when
people use this term I always suspect that they’re overcompensating for
something, and perhaps they’re not that “happily” married at all. A big “ugh”
to marriage in general and the fact that a lot of ‘em aren’t “happy.”
2) I love when letter writers say they had an argument with
a partner and “said something I/We shouldn’t have.” Perhaps you shouldn’t have
said it, but you were certainly thinking it. Probably for a long time, which is
why it escaped in the heat of the moment. I believe that if a thought or
complaint is so deep seated, you should express it - in a diplomatic way, of
course. Not saying it doesn’t make it not true, and if you think your partner is
a waste of flesh or lazy or horrible, maybe that’s not such a great
relationship you’re in and it’s time to make some changes or cut bait. Hmmmm –
I bet the type of person to “say something he/she shouldn’t have” is also the
type to insist that they’re “happily married.”
3) But. "But" is a small word, but it’s one of the most powerful when it comes to advice columns. “I married the man of my dreams…. But, I just
found out he’s a serial killer.” “I am married to the sweetest, smartest, most
beautiful woman on earth….but, I find her cruel, stupid, lazy, ugly – and she
abuses animals.” You see the power that “But” holds? It serves to negate the
first thought. So, watch your “buts,” unless you truly don’t think your
serial-killer husband is “the man of your dreams” after all.
Instead of linking to thoughts with “but,” I strive to separately
state my thoughts. “I appreciate you trying to be more helpful around the
house. Let’s think of a system to help delegate the chores and remind us both
to chip in.” If I had said “I appreciate you being more helpful, but let’s
think of a better way,” it implies that I don’t appreciate your trying or that
you haven’t tried at all.
Oh advice columns, I can't get enough of you!
