“Yikes!” I thought. Why is this woman trying to "entice children" to her garden with chocolatey scented flowers? Sounds like the green-thumbed version of the Hansel and Gretel Witch to me.
Turns out, my recently fever-addled mind misread “entice her children to garden” as “entice children to her garden.” I found this entirely too amusing.
In fact, I find my entire bathroom literary canon entirely too amusing. I live in my bathroom library. There is no greater place when one craves solitude than the bathroom. Especially one graced with an old, rickety bathroom fan. Fart fans drown out intrusions from the outside world, and for one second, one can imagine they are entirely, blissfully, alone on this earth. I fear the day our 1980s fart fan breaks, what with these newfangled ones aspiring to be, inexplicably, whisper-quiet. Why? Don’t manufacturers know the number one purpose of such a device is to muffle, uh, noises, as opposed to its secondary purpose of increasing circulation?
Anyway...my bathroom literary cannon. An entire Pier 1 basket full of glossy rags! I delight in it, especially this time of year when it’s finally seasonally appropriate to dig out my stash of archived Martha Stewart Living and sundry Halloween issues and gleefully pore over those glossy pages. I always look forward to adding to my stash, but I’m thoroughly disappointed in this year’s offering. Family Circle and Good Housekeeping seem like contenders, but they're jokes when it comes to Halloween fodder. They’ll have an enticing enough cover, to be sure, but the content inside proves watery. Or worse, it focuses solely on CHILDREN’S decorations, parties, costumes and treats. Don’t they know Halloween is no holiday for children!?!
And Martha, my beloved Martha, stopped producing her Halloween magazines a few years ago. (Although she now produces a special Halloween section attached to her normal October Living issue.) I used to LIVE for Martha’s separate - all on its own! - Halloween special. The creativity, care, research and love that went into it was a sight to behold. The photography - stark and hued with grey and blue filters - was evocative. Conversely, the photographers somehow also captured the feels, warmth and smells of a chill October dusk in the neighborhood. I was an avid purchaser, but noticed toward the end Living began recycling up to 60 percent of its content! Printing previous years' feature' and dressing them up as new!? But aren't there endless Halloween ideas and odes and celebrations to write about? I was insulted. Soon after this misstep, the magazine shut down presses for an independent Halloween issue entirely. Matthew Mead then became my new "The New Martha!" However, this year remains bereft of his publication and his website is shuttered up. I’m heartbroken. I long for the days of thorough, enchanting, meaty Halloween publications! When will those halcyon days return? Are we over it all? Have our imaginations dried up into bits of dust to be carried off by the October wind? Are we too jaded to delight in simple pleasures of beautiful-colored leaves, the crispness of the air and a good, simple scare? Autumn is when the trees are at their most imaginative. Why can’t we be too?
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